Interview With Author Sallie Weissinger

Q & A With The Author Of “Yes, Again (Mis) adventures of a Wishful Thinker”

For the 50+ group, finding love, romance, commitment and joy may sometimes be difficult under the best of circumstances (whatever those might be!) Brave and indefatigable, Sally Weissinger details her journey of love, loss, growth and the rediscovery of joy with introspection, honesty and appreciable humor. You can visit Sallies website to learn more about her, order her book, and stay updated on her next project! I highly recommend reading “Yes, Again…” – you’ll be glad you did!

Q. What made you decide to share this personal journey with the world?

A. I thought I might be able to help people dig themselves out of the black hole of grief and loss I’d crawled my way out of and help them make their lives whole again. In my case, engagement in meaningful activities was the key to getting through the dismal times: walking a service dog for a quadriplegic, doing medical interpreting in Central and South America, and joining Berkeley Rotary to work on community service projects. By helping people far less fortunate than I am, I ended up helping myself. It wasn’t just about finding a soul mate… it was about expanding my connections.

Q. How has writing this book continued to change your life…has it altered your life in any way?

A. The answer is YES. I know much more about myself after four years of sitting at a desk for hours at a stretch, being quiet, sedentary, and solitary. I had trouble screening out distractions and calming “the ants in my pants,” as my mother used to say. It was out of character for me to sit still, spend time away from friends, delay returning phone calls and emails, not participate in the outside world I typically inhabit. That was the physical and social challenge.

Then there was the emotional component. I had to relive the deaths of the people I loved the most. I’d kept a lot of that at a distance and under wraps. I didn’t expect the writing part to be so charged – there were times I doubted my ability to keep plugging away to find the right voice and the right tone to share my grief and, alternatively, to celebrate the lighter moments. But I did and am delighted and relieved to have gotten to this point: a book in print, with a cover showing a dandelion seed wafting up toward the sky, predicting a wish coming true.

I didn’t do it alone. I had a writing coach, Jane Staw, who was also my first editor. She was masterful at wringing stories and memories out of me, insisting that I get deep down into the quick. We laughed and cried together. We arranged text into chapters, and she helped put them into a rational sequence at a time we didn’t know how my book would end. My second editor, Courtney Flavin, helped me reframe some chapters and highlight the humorous adventures. Courtney, who’s been a friend for forty years, also remembered pivotal incidents I hadn’t thought to include. Without Jane and Courtney and a core group of friends who were devoted readers early in the process, it would have been too lonely a venture, something I hadn’t foreseen when I started writing.

I have always loved to read, but now the world of books and publishing – I’m talking about paper books, not e-books- has an enhanced richness, a new patina: I look at a book cover with its graphics, title, and subtitle with fresh eyes. I pay attention to page design and fonts, blurbs, and copyrights. I will never hold a book in my hands in the same way I did before.

And, of course, the ending of the journey recounted in my memoir has altered my life beyond measure.

Q. Since the publication of your book, have you heard from a lot of other post-50 women for whom you have sparked a renewed interest in dating?

A. So far that’s happened only a couple of times. But it’s early- we’re still in the publicity phase of my book. I hope to hear from people once my book is out there.

Q. What would you say to 50+ women who are just starting to seek a relationship online? Any tips for where to begin and how to manage expectations based upon your own experience?

A. My book tells a lot about what to be prepared for: men who misrepresent themselves, either in their written profiles or by sending outdated photos; men who ask for money they promise to pay back; and men who have court records posted on Google. I tell the reader to expect to meet frogs and toads, liars and truth-stretchers, and money grubbers (as well as nice guys and maybe even “HIM”).

And I’ll offer three additional pieces of advice: First, meet people in the daylight and don’t share too much information at the onset (for example, your last name and address). Second, while doing the online personals, don’t limit your focus to finding a relationship- expand your range of interests by doing volunteer work, learning to speak a foreign language, taking a calligraphy (or a memoir writing!) class, or going to the gym. Do things with your friends. If it’s up your alley, work with a life coach. Third, and I know it’s hard to do: Don’t equate a lack of success with failure. Keep on searching, even when it feels hopeless. Take a break when you need to, but then pick up the search for the needle in the haystack. It just takes one.

Q. How do you think the online dating experience is for older men (sans the ones looking for younger women)?

A. It seems to me it’s easier for older men to find age-appropriate women than vice versa. I don’t have data to prove it, but my experience and my girlfriends’ comments lead me to believe there are more people helping men meet women than the reverse. There’s lots on the Internet about older men and women looking for partners, the role of dating coaches for seniors, and ratings for personals sites designed for seniors. Those sites might address this issue more accurately than my anecdotal impressions can. Another possibility is that men may not be as “out there” in admitting they are looking for a woman – I wonder whether women are more likely to fess up to their desire for a partner than men are. Your question would be a great research project for graduate students in gerontology, psychology, or sociology.

Q. You are an open, adventurous spirit! What is next for you?

A. I can’t wait to travel again, as a volunteer worker and as a non-working traveler. COVID has kept me from returning to the Dominican Republic as a medical interpreter, and I hope that changes soon. Twice I’ve canceled trips to walk the Camino de Santiago de Compostela – that’s the only remaining absolutely-must-do item on my bucket list. I plan to find volunteer activities in Portland, where I live most of the time these days. And I’m mulling over the possibility of a follow-up book, assuming I can convince my editor, Courtney, to join me in the effort.